An Act of Defiance

For too long I’ve spent my life trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be instead of who I am. I’ve masked my autistic self, I’ve learned the outside world’s noise language, and I’ve hidden and subdued my sensitive, picture-thinking, autistic mind. I’ve also masked how much I struggle in this world and I have stayed quiet about how much help I need because when I have let it show or I have tried to ask for help, I have been gaslighted and have had my experiences mislabeled and invalidated. So I’ve smiled, despite how much pain it has been causing me, and I have kept my pain silent inside of me. I’ve let other people tell both me and others my story even though deep down I knew they were telling it wrong, and that I wasn’t crazy, broken, bad, or whatever misperceptions they had about me. However, my truth stayed within me, even though it was buried. Their words couldn’t kill it, and now I have been letting it grow, and I am ready to share it with the same world that has hurt me so much.